Why I didn't like this draft.

Although I was happy with the style of this draft, I want to list a few reasons why I did not like it:

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1. I tried to create inferences that were too vague. I initially thought that I would have Wanda's child pass away, leaving her wondering what her point is in working at the mines. However, this was not clear. My peers were quite unsure why she broke down at the end.

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2. Too complex of metaphors and word choices. I tried to be pungent and specific with my word choices and comparisons. However, I think I got too clunky and bizarre in this attempt.

 

3. Overall vagueness. By trying to write in elegant prose, I compromised meaning.  

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I was proud of my effort with this draft, but it definitely could use some work!